Drew Magary doesn’t think much of Columbus

Deadspin has released it’s “Hater’s Guide to the Top 25” and you guessed it, Drew Magary was assigned the task of making fun of every team in the top 25.

Imagine if the dude couldn’t make fun of something for like; one post. He’d have to rely on an actual, wholesome sports take for like a few minutes.

Here’s what he had to say about my hometown:

2. Ohio State: Oh, sweet fucking Jesus, you people again? Haven’t you people pissed away enough titles? Shouldn’t you be banished to NAIA so that we don’t have to see you lose the national title by 47 points to an SEC team? It’s because of YOU that people from the South are actually starting to feel good about themselves again. That is crap.

I’ve been to Columbus. It’s the kind of place no one would ever live voluntarily. You either live there because you can’t afford to live anywhere else, or because the judge put a travel restriction on your DUI probation. Tear the roof off a fucking Houlihan’s, expand the size of it to 50 square miles, and that’s Columbus. Just one big generic pile of shit. They should have just named it “City.”

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Sweet Jesus right back at you honey buns. The kind of place no one would ever live voluntarily? Yeah, except it has the fastest growing district in the NATION within it. Drew joins the New Jersey dip shits of the east who believe that Ohio is just a bunch of cow fields and farmers. I live here, and it’s not. I live in one of the nicest locations on this earth. If you’ve ever been to Polaris area of Columbus (or Easton, or Dublin, or the other places which I can now avoid due to where I live) it’s hardly a big generic pile of shit. But hey, why would you want to live in Columbus when you can live in a city like Washington D.C.? You know–a place that’s filled with traffic jams out the ass, STD’s (Baltimore is nearby), political zealots, and liberal writers that are destroying our nation by the day.

Sorry Ohio State is you know; good at football every year. Maybe if we fell out of the top 10 once in a while and stopped beating the shit out of our regular competition like Michigan or found ourselves in contention once a decade like Purdue you’d leave our city alone, oh great one.

I’ve lived in C-Bus for 27 years. Never had a DUI. You know, if you have to use that kind of stuff as ammunition against a city maybe you should just take a straight forward approach like most people, bag the idea of ripping the city and just say that the Bucks can’t beat the SEC. You wouldn’t sound like such a jagoff then.

A sign of fall, Fantasy Football is here

If you need help naming your team, the guide to fantasy names 2010 is right here. I can definitely echo the sentiment expressed by the writer at KSK. When I was younger, I’d spend months with my nose tucked into any fantasy football magazine I could find laying around my Uncle’s bathroom. He’d be all finished with his guide and draft, and I’d take it home after spending a weekend at his house. I’d circle my dream team and if I didn’t have any idea my fantasy pick for that position would be based on if I liked his name. I once selected Irv Cook to be my fantasy Tight End. Irv Cook pretty much sucked. I just thought his name sounded ‘football tough’. I would then call my uncle and leave my fantasy team’s name on his voice mail; I never even took part in a draft. I just let him call me back and give his thoughts on my impotent group. It would usually include Emmitt Smith or Steve Young surrounded by a bunch of names that I liked.

Tonight I’ve got my first fantasy draft of the year. It’s with a few guys at work. It’s about as competitive as it gets for me at this junction. I plan on going out after work and buying a fantasy football magazine that can shepherd me through the year. But let’s be honest, whether or not that happens is a true mystery. I might get off work, go to the gym for an hour and say fuck it. I’ll just show up to the draft at 9 pm EST and start selecting BPA.

The harsh reality is I love fantasy football but life swallows up all of my time that I used to have to devote to it. It really sucks being an adult. There is a small part of me who wants to research for two months, and then call my uncle’s voice mail at work to let him know my lineup. Those were the days.

HBO’s Hard Knocks, Episode 2


I want to apologize. I let all six of you readers down last week by not re-capping the second episode of Hard Knocks on HBO. I was getting my house painted and floored and it was truly torn to shit all week long. I didn’t see Hard Knocks until this past Friday night when it was on HBO On Demand.

Luckily, the best football blog in the business has done my job for me; and they’ve got screen caps. Head over to Kissing Suzy Kolber for a full recap and action shots of Rex Ryan’s big fucking jar head.

My favorite part of the 2nd episode was Sanchez doing an impression of that linebacker walking.

Hard Knocks has given me motivation to get through Wednesdays at work. I can’t wait for tomorrow night’s hour.

I finally tracked you down, 1993

My first trip to Canton’s Hall of Fame was supposed to be with my mother on July 31st, 1993. It seems like a lifetime ago. We were all set to go that weekend and stay with her friend from college. She knew her 11 year old little boy loved the game of football and she thought it would be a neat thing for me to do.

Although I loved football, I had no idea what the Hall of Fame was yet. It was just some far off thing that played second fiddle to the guys who I saw playing on television every Sunday. What did I care about Jim Thorpe and Dick Butkus?

It would be many years later through the joys of NFL Films and other sources in which I would gain a great appreciation for the rich history of the most popular American team sport.

But it was not to be.

Dan Fouts, Larry Little, Chuck Noll, and the great Bill Walsh were inducted that day along with all-time rushing leader Walter Payton. I remember knowing of Payton who was the headliner. I would miss it because of a bad case of the summer flu. As I laid on my sickbed (our couch in the living room) I watched Ken Griffey Jr. take his assault on MLB teams around the American League and the Canton Pro Football Hall of Fame remained off in the distance as just a thing of my wonder.

“We’ll go sometime soon and take a tour,” my mom assured me.

Ironically enough, 17 years later we made the trip as I was coming down with a case of the summer flu. And Emmitt Smith (who was among my favorite in the NFL along with Steve Young at the time of my 1993 trip) had broke that Payton guy’s all-time rushing record. And now it was just the night before that I watched on the NFL Network this amazing speech that this legend of my boyhood had delivered.

As I toured the Hall of Fame and got ready to enter the museum, I thought back to the day when they used to do the induction ceremony on the front steps of the museum’s entrance. That’s where they stood that hot July day in which I missed. Walter Payton, now gone from this earth stood right there and delivered his speech and I laid on my couch sick.

Those same busts pictured above were next to all those legends on that day. Untouched through time, they remained the same. Everything around us had changed. But I finally got a piece of 1993 back.

My First Trip to the NFL Hall of Fame

There’s no better way to kick off the start of football season if you’re a die hard fan than with a trip to Canton. I could have spent about four days looking through the museum, snapping photos and thinking about the memories of my youth on Sundays.

In the next post I’ll throw up some more pictures, but here was the first two that I snapped off that day on my arrival.

The field trip definitely got me stoked for NFL season, and it had me thinking not only on the past but the future. Which NFL stars of today could end up in Canton in ten and twenty years? Time will tell, but I hope guys like Mark Sanchez, Matt Ryan, and Eli Manning find a way in. Believe it or not; the percentages are not only not in favor of it but extremely against it.

Jets take the first half at the New Meadowlands

Watched the first half of the Giants/Jets preseason game tonight. Eli Manning took one of the biggest shots I’ve ever seen in my life.

Mark Sanchez was very good, 13/17 for 119 with a touch and an interception which I missed because I was out on the golf course. The balls that I saw had very good RPM’s on them and were thrown in great spots.

I love this team.

UPDATE: Here is the Eli hit. Thanks KSK.